260609 -- 我能怎么办？

能怎样？做错了就是做错了。难道还不能要这个孩子不成吗？那也是个生命啊！没有怎样去想了。现在最重要的是，赚钱！赚钱！赚更多的钱！我能不这么做吗？再不赚钱，日子真的不能挨下去了。所以我还是选择赚钱。不然我还能怎样？我真的不敢去想了。走一步算一步吧！

250609 -- 想换工作

或许我已经开始讨厌我的工作了。怎么说？这是一份孤独、没有同事的工作、有一对斤斤计较的老板和老板娘、在工作的时候不能上网游戏（正常），但是连聊天都不可以。这是怎么样的一个心态咧？难道要真的把我封闭起来咩？真的开始觉得他们俩是疯了！再说，薪水又不是很高。我真的很想找一份比现在更高薪水的工作……而且，也没有言论的自由。



忽然想起一首歌。Taylor swift的Love Story。每次听到这首歌的尾端，就是求婚的那一部分，眼睛都会犯泪水。是因为感动吧？




We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ballgowns
See you make your way to crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said, “ Stay away from Juliet!”
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go
And I said,
“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes”
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet, cause we're dead it they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while
Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet!”
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go
And I said,
“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes”
I got tired for waiting,
wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading,
when I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said,
“Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you bet you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think”
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said,
“Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say yes”
We were both young when I first saw you

220608 -- 无所谓了

好久都没有写部落格了。总觉得，写部落格的原因，是因为我有心事，那在我没有写部落格的日子里呢？那是不是意味着，我过得很好，我没有心事？可能吧？或许吧？

这个月发生了很多事情。原以为这个月开始，我的日子会好过一些。谁知道，我还是一样却欠缺的一塌糊涂！首先，是老公的手肘，之前动了手术放了铁线，可是铁线跑了出来。带老公到处跑，还要受他的气。我那时候也控制不住自己，也和他吵了起来。但是最后，老公还是住院了。把铁线拆了出来。花费两百五十块钱。不到两天，老公就给我跌倒。伤口严重破裂。我的天！又要会去医院！又要浪费多一笔钱！同一个晚上，妈又催我供车！我已经很烦了，为什么还要来再烦我！我真的已经什么都没有了！为什么还在我身上要求这个那个？好难过。当时真得很想一走了之……好想去逃避。

或许。我一点也不了解老公。还是他一开始就给我一个错误的讯息了？问他喜欢吃什么，他说什么都吃，不挑剔；问他爱看怎样的电影，他却说什么都看，不挑剔。那好。我前几天开始看回琼瑶的电视剧。昨晚他忽然问我：“你到底知不知道你老公到底喜欢看些什么样的电影？”我被问住了。我真的不知道。因为他从来就没有告诉过我。好多事情，他甚至都没有告诉过我。我能怎样去了解？我能给他什么样的反应？我迁就他，我尝试去喜欢他所喜欢的，可是，为什么他也不去尝试喜欢我所喜欢的呢？男人，就是这样的吗？

之后我叫他帮我换一个插头，他却给我一大堆的埋怨。我又该给什么反应他呢？我手里抱着宝宝啊！宝宝一直闹，我怎么可以放下他呢？我只有静静的。什么话都不说。强忍着那种压力的眼泪。不然它掉下来。他到底知不知道，其实我也有我的压力？其实我也有我心里的不舒服？或者他在医院的时候给我的承诺，都已经忘记了吧？无所谓了。真的，如果有一天，我的心真的死了，一切就真的变得无所谓了。